


Shadow Man

by shootingstargirl120



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cutting, Drugs, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, description of Rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-04-22 17:11:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14313357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shootingstargirl120/pseuds/shootingstargirl120
Summary: After the final battle of Hogwarts Harry Potter is kidnaped and   Tortured  for 31 days. This story is Harry learning to live life after what happened to him. Over coming his self hatred and finding love along the way.





	1. Acid rain

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This story is a crazy rewrite of my old story Acid Rain on fanfiction . Net . I will be adding tags as the story goes on. This chapter isn’t too too graphic but enough that i want to give a warning. This work is edited by my good friend Mac :) hope you enjoy!

Harry potter the man who killed lord Voldemort found himself on day 31 of being chained naked and broken inside a unknown dungeon rather then warm and safe inside the walls of Hogwarts. every movement he made caused his bruised bloodied body to scream in utter agony. Harry tried to remember how he had ended up in this utter hell. The smell of strong rain bouncing off the dirt of the forbidden forest his friends calling his name desperately as they searched for him amongst the chaos. The bitter taste of wet dirt filling his mouth as two unknown death eaters held him down and raped him. Their long hard cocks literally ripping his body in two. Harry remembered wishing that that would be it. That after they had violated him they would have left him there in the smoldering forest having had taken Revenge for their fallen leader. when had things ever been that easy for harry? Instead he found himself taken captive as a living plaything for a group of jaded death eaters. The group consisted of 4 men and 2 women they where the evilest son of bitches harry had ever had the displeasure of meeting. Even Voldemort had never hurt harry quite as bad in all those years he had chased him. They had managed to do much worse to Harry then he did in the matter of a month. Sometimes they would individually take turns visiting harry to enjoy what they called “a little one on one play time”. Other times groups of them would visit harry and spend hours torturing him at a time. He preferred when the woman would visit him. Not because he preferred woman violating him. no he was very much gay, he preferred them because the torment they provided for harry was rarely of the sexual kind. Stabs, burns, broken bones, and other general abuse Harry could handle. They could break every single one of his fingers and he'd still be able to handle it. It was the soul breaking rape he had to experience every day that truly broke the boy who lived. 

The days had long sense started to meld together in Harrys mind minutes where hours, hours minutes, days where weeks, and weeks where a blink of a eye he didn’t see a end in sight. Convinced he would die in a puddle of his own blood, bodily fluids, and death eater cum before someone would bother to find him. What would the wizarding world think of their precious fucken savior when they saw him broken and bloated. dead before he finally got to live his life with out them commanding him to murder a man to save their sorry hides?

On the 31st day of his captivity one of the 4 male death eaters entered the room with a sadistic chuckle. Harry weakly looked up his head feeling like a pain based pile of bricks. He stared at the death eater with his non swollen eye noting that he didn’t have anything in his hands other then a wand. “N-nooo” Harry weakly choked out trying to crawl away from the man. only a wand meant one thing. He was about to be fucked while his rapist cast the Cruciatus curse on him. it was one of their most common games. His pleading was only met with a chuckle. The man grabbed a fist full of his hair pulling him up sharply to look into his face.”potter.. Are you ready for some fun? I cant wait to watch you scream and flail while my fat cock rips your delicious ass open.” the man purred while watching his eyes. What ever he saw there must have excited him because he kissed harry on the cheek and moved to where he was behind harry. never once breaking his firm hold on his matted hair. It felt like his scalp was going to peel back off his head. the sound of hair slowly breaking loose and heavy panting filled the air around them. Panic bubbled up in Harry like bile threatening to be spewed all over the filthy dungeon cell. The sound of a zipper, the pressing of a very hard angry cock at a very swollen asshole, and then something Harry had only dared to dream about happened a angel burst into the room. The metal door crashed against the wall with a deafening sound. Causing Harry to be released. He feel heavily onto the ground only able to hold his head up to look at where the door that had trapped Harry in this hell had stood forever taunting. In its place stood a very pissed off Severus Snape. He looked positively angelic. Like a spurned god in all its powerful glory. His pale skin covered in the bright red of Harrys tormenters. Black robes billowing around him like angel wings. Eyes on fire with maddening fury. The last thing Harry heard before he allowed himself to finally rest was Severus’s voice dripping with rage yell the killing curse. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard. 

A week had passed before Harry could open his eyes again. He had to squint against the blinding light of Hogwarts infirmary. A ting of pain in his face caused images of the past month flash before Harrys eyes. The panic welled up inside him again causing him to lean over the side of the bed and vomit violently.  
“Madam Pomfrey! Harrys awake! Please come quickly I think somethings wrong!”  
“Her..Hermione?” He didn’t even recognize his own voice it cracked and failed while he tried to croak out one of his best friends names. Two strong hands wrapped around his own.  
“Me too mate” Ron…  
Harry leaned back in the bed his body trembling with silent sobs. he was home he was finally really home. Pomfrey bustled over running her wand over Harry. her mouth twisted into a severe line as she went over the results. Harry felt he was never so glad to see her fussing over him before.  
“He’s still got a lot of internal and external damage. But I don’t think a potions induced coma is necessary any longer. According to my results as long as Mister Potter keeps up with his potions and rests he should be up and running again in a few weeks” Hermione was crying softly and Ron breath out a breath he hadn’t known he had been holding.  
“However you will have a lot of damage I simply can not heal. Nothing you wont learn how to live with. It will take time but you can still have a very fulfilling life and complete your final year of school if you so choose.” 

Harry nodded solemnly he hadn’t expected to get out of those dungeons alive let alone unscathed. A little Permanent damage was not a heavy price to pay for his life at all. Another student called for Pomfrey causing her to rush away. His hands shook violently in his friends. he had to swallow thickly to keep the bile from rising up in his throat again.  
“Harry here” Hermonie was pressing a potions vial into the hand she had been occupying with her own a second ago. He downed it with out a second thought. Never once thinking she could give him anything to harm him. A rush of calm spread throughout his body. The trembling became a barely noticeable shake. “Th-tha-th” he swallowed again trying to make the words come out. It had been so long sense he had to use his vocal cords to do anything but scream and plead. “Th-th-tha..y-y-yo-y-y” Hermione shook her head in a fury of curls and pulled out a quill and a thick note book setting it on Harrys lap. She pressed a finger to his lips silently asking him to stop trying to talk.  
“ Your vocal cords where severely damaged..so I I charmed this quill to write what ever you want it to by thinking. so that you don’t strain yourself to much.”  
Harry nodded thankful for his friend and her charming way of always being able to find a solution to the problems in his life. He concentrated on the quill. Soon he had it scratching out words on the first page of the notebook.

How long till I can talk again. 

“We don’t know harry” Hermione looked like she was gonna cry again so Ron took over explaining for her “mate Pomfreys not sure if you’ll be able to talk properly ever again…”  
Harry nodded again staring down blankly. 

I need a hug

He couldn’t convey the words he wanted to properly maybe he didn’t want to. a overwhelming sense of loss and dread filled him to the very core. In that moment wrapped in his best friends arms Harry Potter weeped not because of the torment he had suffered or the things he had lost as a result, but because he was alive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The night the forbidden forrest went up into flames Severus Snape Hogwarts most hated potions master had just been released from the infirmary. It had been weeks sense the final battle. Weeks sense Harry Potter had held him on the shrieking shacks filthy floor and begged him to live. Maybe it had been fate, divine intervention that had spared his life. Severus was sure it was just Potters blasted dumb luck.  
It wasn’t that he wasn’t grateful for the boy. Had he not shoved that bezoar down his throat there was no doubt in Severus’s mind that he would have died there before the mediwitches could have reached him. But as it is old habits died hard. Severus had a hard time wrapping his mind around the man Harry had become. no longer did he fit into the mold Severus’s mind had originally conjured for him. He was neither his father or his mother. But his own person a strong outspoken hero. During the restoration process the forrest caught flames.?the golden trio along with the helping professors ran towards the forrest ready to defend Hogwarts a second time. Rain was falling down from the sky in thick drops making combat semi difficult if not just annoying. Harry had been fighting along side Severus and Hermione when with a loud clash of thunder and lightning he and the death eaters where gone. A overwhelming sense of panic filled them all they searched for hours the only trace Harry had even been there to begin with was his wand laying on the forrest floor. Even now Severus greatly resented his injuries. it took him weeks to find a book that lead him to a old tracking spell. If he had been quicker… 

In the bed Harry twitched in his sleep. interrupting the potions master from his thoughts. Hermione and Ron had left hours before Severus took over his nightly vigil over Harry. It wasn’t like he didn’t have better things to be doing then watching Potter sleep, but he felt a deep sense of obligation and guilt for having not gotten to him sooner. The least he could do for him now was make sure he had a safe sleep. Once Harry had settled down again Severus stared blankly at the book in his lap letting his mind wonder back to just how he had found Potter.

Severus cast the complicated spell over Harrys wand. Not letting himself bask in the triumphant feeling when it succeed in telling him the exact location of Harrys whereabouts. He spun on his heal appertaining to a death eater hideaway he vaguely remembered from the war. It looked simple enough a modest 2 story house deep in the countryside. Of course the inside was a whole other story. The basement had been retrofitted with a number of holding cells used in frankly violent interrogation sessions. Quickly Severus steeled himself for a fight bursting threw the front door in a furry of billowing robs and Barely contained anger. Two woman sat on a rugged sofa seemingly relaxing for the evening with a bottle of wine. It was great luck that they had drank most of the bottle by the time Severus showed up. Their dueling was subpar at best. Severus casted a few slicing hex’s effortlessly dodging their counter attacks. Soon enough they where laying on the ground in puddles of blood. The commotion had summoned one of the males. That dual had been more of a challenge. They danced around each other for minutes casting spells back and forth slowly destroying the room around them. It wasn’t till the death eater casted a Cruciatus at him that Severus ducked rolling out of the way that he got the winning hand. With his non wand hand. He grabbed a large piece of Rubble and threw it at the mans head. In the moments of stunned silence he cast a strong slicing spell and ran out of the room down the stairs to the holding cells. He had blasted the doors off of 3 of the 5 cells before he got to the one containing Harry. What he saw there was going to give him nightmares for years to come. The once strong man was chained to the floor of a filthy room completely naked. His body was beyond broken. His left leg twisted at a odd angle under the death eaters own. Every inch of Harrys skin had large purple bruises or cuts. The left half of his face was swollen. no doubt his nose and cheek bone where broken. Even his hands had not been spared. each one seemed to be broken, twisted at sickening angles. Pure bubbling rage filled Severus to his core his vision flashing red. The clanging of the door against the wall started the man and Harry they both looked up at him suddenly. That was when he noticed just what the death eater was preparing to do to the boy who lived. It was the pleading broken look harry gave him apon seeing his savor that caused Severus to lift up his wand casting the killing curse on the death eater. He swooped into the room blasting the chains off of Harry gingerly lifting him up carrying him out of the hell hole he had been kept prisoner in for 31 days. 

Severus shook himself out of his thoughts when his wand buzzed to alert him to the time. He would have to go to his own chambers now. Pomfrey had been very admit that he not stay all night long. He needed rest himself from his old injuries. He downed a vile of sleeping drought and let sleep claim him once more.


	2. A false sense of normalcy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so i untimely want to update once every week. Buuuut i just finshed this and cant wait any longer to post. Hope you enjoy!

A few weeks later Harry was deemed fit enough to leave the infirmary. The school wouldn’t be ready for students for a few more months so he had requested that McGonagall let him stay in the castle to help with what little he could for the first two months. He just wasn’t ready to live in Grimmauld place all by himself again. She had hastily agreed and had a house elf fetch a couple of his things and sent him down to where his room would be. It took him only a few minutes to unpack his Scarce belongings in the large rooms leaving him with little to do. The room was meant for professors during the school year. It had a large living room area with lush red carpets, hanging Gryfindoor tapestries, and a large soft couch facing a decent sized fire place. The door to the left of the room lead to a small kitchen area with a round sitting table. On the right of the room where doors to the bath and large bedroom. A king size bed dominating the space. Harry limped over to the bed sitting on the edge to massage his swollen knee. Pomfery had assured Harry that walking would eventually get easier and less painful as long as he continued to not overwork the muscles and did gentle daily exercises. He would however probably have a permanent limp. The same went for his fingers. As of right now he couldn’t even hold a quill to write as the trembling and pain in his hands was to harsh. As long as he took it slow he would eventually be able to write and do daily tasks. The trembles would always be a part of his life but not as frequent. While Harry set out to Aleve some of his discomfort a loud knock sounded at the door. He waved his hand commanding the wards to let who ever it was in, not looking up from his knee. Who ever had come to visit Harry cleared their throat loudly. Causing Harry to look up into Snapes black eyes. Harry nodded over at the note book on the bed willing the quill to write for him. Snape looked over at it and snorted in response.

Oh sorry

“Potter, your writing is just as eloquent as your speaking.” Harry rolled his eyes a bit not having it in himself to be snarky towards the man who had saved him. 

Oh im sorry do you need something, sir?” 

Snape gave a curt nod holding up a couple of potions “Ill be brewing your daily potions 2 of them have to be administered under supervision”

Thank you sir. I really appreciate it. For how long will I need to be under supervision?” 

Snape stiffed a bit “at least 2 hours.” He glanced down at Harrys fingers trying and failing to massage at the swollen parts of his knees. His fingers would shake violently any time he tried to apply any real pressure. “Does your leg hurt?” Harry nodded in a defeated way. 

Ya..it was just so broken there wasn’t a lot that Pomfery could do for it..she said the swelling and pain would eventually go way. But with the way my hands are I have no real way of massaging it”

Snape had to bite his tongue to keep from growling when the image of Harrys broken leg flashed in his mind. he spun on his heal throwing his next words over his shoulder. “don’t take those potions yet ill be right back”. 

Harry watched Severus’s back with mild confusion. ‘Had he said something wrong?’ While he waited for him to return he quickly gave up on his knee limping heavily to his living room. He poured himself a generous amount of fire whiskey and leaned back on the couch with his leg stretched out on the sofa next to him. He was about halfway done with the glass when Severus come back into the rooms a vail of something in his hand. He nodded at the drink in Harrys hand a unreadable look on his face “drinking Potter?” Harry shrugged. 

Im of age. And frankly I think ive been threw enough in my life to earn me a drink or two. Would you like a glass sir?

Harry was already pouring him a glass and toping off his own with out waiting for the quill to finish writing his thoughts. Snape didn’t reply strolling into Harrys room to retrieve the other potions. He handed them to Harry, watching as he gulped them down in rapid succession quickly taking a gulp of his drink before exhaling loudly

Fucking hell! Those potions tasted horrible! What did you bring with you?

Harry nodded at vile of cream colored goo in Severus’s hand. Snape raised a eye brow at the language Potter had written “it’s a muscle healing slave I brewed it with pain relieving properties.” Harrys mouth popped open in a silent ‘oh’ reaching out his trembling fingers for the vile. Severus snorted holding the vile away from Potters reach. “With your hands like that your barely able to hold your drink. Let alone properly apply this. I already have to sit here for 2 hours to make sure your head doesn’t explode I may was well apply this for you” Harry nodded. normally he would have argued that it was weird. That he didn’t want anyone touching him or his leg. But, Snape was the only one he really felt this comfortable around sense he got back. Maybe it was because he was the only one who knew just what had happened to him. Or maybe it was because Snape had for a moment been the angel that set him free. Either way Harry gave in leaning back against the pillows on the couch so that Snape could pull his leg into his lap. The goo was very cold against the heated flesh causing Harry to try and fail to hide his gasp of surprise behind his glass. Severus lips twitched in a smirk as he set to work. He expertly kneaded the flesh with his fingers making sure to rub copious amounts of the potion into the flesh. Eventually He wouldn’t have to but right now it was what was needed. They sat in silence Harry sipping on his drink avoiding Severus’s eyes while he diligently worked. It felt bloody wonderful the pain relieving property’s seeping threw the healing muscles. Once satisfied Severus sat up moving Harrys leg. “ give me your hands Potter” 

Uh why sir?

Another snort “ this isn't just for your knee. Give. Me. Your. Hands.” Harry swallowed thickly sitting up so that he could gingerly place his trembling fingers in Snapes up turned palm. He gave them the same treatment he had given his knee methodically massaging the potion into his hand and fingers. Harry was briefly reminded of the manicure Hermione and him got after the war. After a few minutes of the same silence Harry was surprised to see that his fingers where no longer trembling. Just a minor shake. 

Thank you sir

“No need to thank me Potter. I remember-” Severus paused swallowing it looked like what ever he wanted to say was difficult “I remember how difficult this potion can be to apply with the shakes” Harry nodded solemnly handing the glass he had poured earlier to the potions master. He understood. now suddenly feeling guilty that everyone was so busy after the war they had neglected to help a hero who had almost quite literally died. 

Well we passed 30 minuets of 2 hours. Would you like a game of chess sir? Uh not wizards chess though id prefer muggle chess if your willing?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the 2 hours the rest of Harrys morning was uneventful. He went down chatted briefly with Ron and Hermione. After reminding himself that if they didn’t see him they would worry. He Left before lunch and locked himself in his room for the rest of the day. He could only keep up the sense of normalcy for so long. His world still felt like it was crumbling bit by bit. Inky blackness had settled into Harrys body like a parasite. It twisted and rolled like the waves in a fierce storm. The only thing that seemed to settle it was alcohol. By the time dinner rolled around Harry had consumed the whole bottle. He drunkenly remained himself that dinner time was the time most people ate. He called a house elf. Numbly dig into one of the two sandwiches while he tried to focus on a book. The words swam around on the page in a way that Harry wasn’t sure if he was just that drunk or if the book was enchanted. Either way he threw it against the wall in frustration stumbling into the bed room. If he couldn’t read he might as well try to sleep. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
After leaving Harrys room that morning Severus’s spent most of his day rebuilding castle walls. He stoped at noon for a modest lunch in the great hall. He noted that Harry didn’t show up. Really it made sense not to see him at meal times. He couldn’t imagine Harry wanting to be around to many people after what happened to him. The shaking in his hands would be reason enough to dine in his rooms. Once lunch was consumed Severus went down to his potions labs for the rest of the day working on restocking the castle and his and Harrys medical potions for the month. 

Dinner was rather boring with only the few people helping rebuild in attendance. They went over tomorrows plan before parting their separate ways. Eventually unable to sleep for the second night in a row Severus’s found himself standing in the astronomy tower. You could see the galaxies so perfectly from up there. The stars seemingly winked at Severus’s while he contemplated just what he could do with his life now. Was he forever destined to be Potters savior? How was it that when he was finally released of any real obligation to watch over Potter he had no desire to move on? Yes he had horrendous injuries but if it had been the granger girl who had been kidnaped Severus’s really wouldn’t have cared. What made Potter so special? As if sensing that someone was thinking about him. Severus heard the soft pat of bare feet on the stone steps as Harry climbed up to join him. He looked surprised to see Severus standing at one of the large windows. moon and star light glowing off of his milky skin.  
“Surly this is not the first time you’ve seen some one who couldn’t sleep Potter. Stop your gawking and close your mouths. There wont be anymore flies for ms Noris to eat if you keep it up” Harry snapped his mouth shut with a audible click. If he had something to say Severus couldn’t know. It seemed that Harry didn’t deem his note book important enough to bring along with him on his moon lit stroll. Eventually Harry walked over to the same window Severus stood in-front of. He leaned heavily against the window seal staring longingly at the galaxies above them. The silence they shared was relaxing to Severus. It was nice to be able to stand under-stars with some with out having to force a conversation. When 3 Am rolled around Severus turned to leave calling over his shoulder as he went.  
“You should get some sleep Potter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments and kudos are appreciated :)


	3. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys couldn’t help myself and have another chapter for y’all! I noticed that the italics indicating where Harry is writing didnt show up in the the last chapter so i came up with a new indicator.
> 
> /the slashes is harry talking/
> 
> I will be going back to replace the old dialog after a bit. :) i hope y’all enjoy this chapter im adding a tag for thoughts of suicide. No editor for this chapter all mistakes are unfortunately my own.

The next couple days Harry tried his best to be ‘normal’ to be ‘ok’. He would spend breakfast with Severus while he watched him incase one of the potions more ugly side effects reared its ugly head. They would spend the 2 hours in different ways. Severus applying the same ointment he used that first day. A light breakfast, Harry couldn’t stomach more then a few bites. Sometimes they would play surprisingly fun games of muggle chess. Other times they simply read in silence. Once Snape departed from his rooms Harry would limp down to where his friends had already began the days work with out him. He would remind himself to laugh at all the right places and even take it easy levitating small objects letting Hermione and Ron take care of the heavier stuff. He would excuse himself before lunch telling them he was tired. Nothing was wrong he just wanted to rest in his rooms. No one questioned it except of course Snape. who over heard his feeble excuse one day. He only raised a eyebrow at Harry when he limped past. For that Harry was grateful. He didn’t know how he would have handled a direct confrontation about his behavior. What ever happened Harry knew he wouldn’t be able to handle more self hatred if he happened to freak out in-front of his friends and old teachers. So far he had been lucky managing to keep his break downs behind the heavily warded doors of his room. They’d blind side him out of no where like a raging tsunami. One moment Harry would be sighing into the neck of a Sadly empty bottle. the next phantom hands would be roughly clawing at his skin tormenting him with their cruel touch all over again. Harry would scream, cry, and pitifully beg for them to stop. Eventually he would recall the angelic image of Snape rescuing him. bitterly reminding himself he WAS home and that he was just a fucken idiot. A stupid weak fucken idiot. He wanted to be strong. Wanted to be able to carry the weight of his loved ones problems on his back with out breaking a sweat. But Harry was not that man. Instead of helping his friends deal with the countless losses they had endeared he was wrapped pitifully around a empty bottle sobbing like a baby because of a fucken memory. 

By the end of the first week Harry had finally figured it out. If he drank just a little bit more the hands couldn’t get him anymore. It was all in the timing. Pretend to be normal all throughout the day. Avoid alcohol till later in the night. just before bed was the best time because then he could start drinking and not stop till he passed out. 

“Harry? Harry? Harry!” Hermiones voice pulled Harry out of his thoughts. He had to blink a few times to focus on her face. Had she been talking this whole time? 

/Sorry mione I got distracted/

She sighed a understanding smile on her face. “Its ok Harry. I was just asking if you'd like any help unpacking next week when you head over to Grimmauld place?” He shook his head smiling lightly

/nah.. That’s ok I don’t have a lot of stuff anyways. I want to get the lay of the land before I have guests over you know?/ 

Hermione nodded understandably patting his shaking fingers lovingly. the ugly black mass twisted and turned angrily inside Harry. He had to bite back the urge to rip his hand away from hers. ‘Shes your friend you dumb idiot’   
“So have you figured out if you’ll be returning to school with us in a few months?” Harry nodded standing up to refill there coffee mugs.   
Hermione bit her lip nervously watching his hands shake while he poured the steaming coffee. 

/ya im going to I think its for the best. we didn’t get to enjoy our last year and all that rubbish. Mione don’t give me that look. I can handle this I wont burn myself. I gotta do things or it'll never get better ok?/ 

She smiled reading what he wrote. He supposed that was one good thing about the loss of his voice. What normally would have been a bitting angry remark from him didn’t come out the same way across paper. Rather then his best friend being worried about his ever Weakening sanity she was reassured by his words. Baby steps and all the rot. He couldn’t be upset at his friend for being so easily fooled. The spoken and written word where vastly different Harry had discovered. He sat down sliding her glass along with the sugar and cream. He didn’t need any. lately he liked his coffee black. It matched the inkiness inside. Minutes passed in a comfortable silence birds chirping outside the partially open window as if laminating about how beautiful of a day it was outside. The sun glistening in the cloudless sky. Wind tussling the grass in light caresses. All of that loveliness seemed to darken when Hermione spoke again.   
“Do you… do you want to talk about what happened Harry?”  
The ink was tossing around angrily inside of Harry pounding on his skin begging to be unleashed. He bit his tongue hard to keep his expression indifferent. Blood pooled in his mouth soothing him. It was a familiar taste now. He shook his head closing his eyes. He couldn’t talk about it. Not with her. Never her. He couldn’t risk tainting her beautiful form with his tainted thoughts. 

/its in the past I just want to move on. Don’t worry im fine/ 

She nodded sadly taking a sip of her coffee “ok Harry..you know whats best for you. Just remember im always here to talk to you. Ron to of course” she laughed the sound pleasently ticking Harrys ears “Though he can be a bit dense sometimes he’ll always be there for you Harry.” 

That night Harry found himself in the astronomy tower. The wind nipping at his too thin pajamas pleasantly freezing Harry to the bone. How easy would it be to just jump over the side? Leaving everything behind. Take the disgusting tainted parts of himself and leave them broken and mangled on the ground below. Would his soul fly away free from the twisting blackness?   
“Potter” Harry turned acknowledging the potions master with a nod. He gestured at the note book sitting on the window seal. The past 3 times they had met up here was spent in total silence sense. Harry originally hadn’t thought anyone else would be up here so late at night. Turns out he wasn’t the only one unable to sleep. 

/hello professor/

“Finally brought the note book I see. Oh how im going to miss my quiet nights” Harry gave a silent laugh his shoulders shaking. He had been thinking the same thing when he first saw Snape up here days ago. 

/Don’t worry sir, I don’t feel much like talking anyways/ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A week later Harry was flooing over to Grimmauld place. He was finally alone. No longer did he have to keep up the normal act for majority of they day. He only had to pretend for the 2 hours a day Snape would floo over to administer his potions. Feeling like celebrating Harry started looking around for a drink. A hour later Harry cursed running his hands threw his wild hair. Not a single fucken drop of alcohol was in this place. Surly it had been drunk during all the after war parties and sense Harry was now the sole owner of course no one had restocked any of it. He didn’t feel quite up to a trip to hogsmead at the moment people would say something if they saw him go to buy only of copious amounts of booze. he didn’t fancy being on the front page of the prophet tomorrow. After debating for a bit Harry suddenly remembered the night club Sirus had told him about on one of his letters. It was with in walking distance of Grimmauld place plus Wizards only. Harry smiled running up to his room to throw on some fresh clothes before he went out. He wasn’t quite sure what people wore to clubs but eventually settled on a tight black T-shirt and black pants.

The club was packed. Loud dance music filled the large room causing Harrys pulse to seemingly throb in time with the erratic beat. The bodies on the dance floor dance and grind so close to one another that it looked like one giant mass to Harry rather then a large group of people. Most of the dancers flushed faces looked like they could only remember this place. their real life problems left at the door. Harry knew this was the place he wanted to be. It took a minute or two to weave his way to the bar. Being the boy who lived he didn’t have to wait long for the bartender to notice him. He motioned to the note book he set on the counter when he sat down. 

/id like the strongest drink you have please/ 

“Hey that’s pretty cool! Everyone should have these note books in here! Make understanding what people want a whole lot easier!” The bartender had to yell very loudly to he heard over the pounding music while he set to work mixing a bunch of alcoholic drinks together that Harry didn’t recognize. Harry laughed silently smiling warmly at the bartender when he handed him a bright aqua blue drink. “Carful with that! It tastes super fruity but it’s the strongest drink we offer! Its got like 5 different alcohols in it!” Harry smiled wider laughing silently again ‘perfect’ 

/im not here to be sober. But thanks ill keep it in mind/ 

Harry set down some money on the bar plus a large tip. He'd rather the bartender like him so he wouldn’t ask to many questions while Harry got shit faced. He turned to face the wiggling mass of the dance floor letting the music fill his veins. His thoughts focused solely on wether or not he wanted to join in on the dancing. His leg hadn’t been bothering him as much lately thanks to Snape but he wasn’t sure if he should push his luck or not. About half way through his drink and the start of a decent buzz a young man slid up next to him. “Wow Harry fucken potter in a club. Never thought id see the day!” Harry turned to face the very plastered man who had a wide smile on his face. He was pale white with a couple of ear piercings. His hair was spiked black with bright green tips. A bright green vest like shirt and black leather pants clung to his body like a second skin. “ im Jake Evergreen!” 

/did you need something/ 

Jake nodded earnestly motioning his head towards the other side of the club “yup! Its very imperative to your safety that you follow me right now!” Harry shrugged picking up his drink to follow the man to the other side of the club into a small room. The room had a large one-sided mirror facing out into the club. A few comfy chairs and a large black couch. To the side of the room was a unmanned bar. Harry went to take a sip of his drink when it was snatched from his hands before it even touched his lips. He shot a angry look at Jake as he dumped it into a trash can 

/what the hell?/

Jake laughed moving behind the bar to presumably make Harry a new drink. At least Harry hoped he was making another fucken drink. “I didn’t think you'd want what ever love potion that witch slipped in it while you where distracted. I could be wrong though maybe you set it on the bar so she could slip it in. What do I know? Who am I to judge?” Harry felt his blush reach his ears. 

/oh/ 

“Yes, oh” Jake laughed sashaying back over to Harry with two drinks handing a bright green one to Harry who took a tentative sip. It tasted like apple pie. He let Jake lead him to the couch his head swimming with his buzz. “All those years ive seen you at school you always seemed reckless but not dumb. Being who you are you shouldn’t leave anything of yours unattended. Best case what ever you left around ends up in some witches creepy shrine. Worst case you end up bound to some witch for ever as a loooove slave” he emphasized the word love pulling out a pack of smokes offering one to Harry who shrugged accepting. Whats another bad habit to add to the mix? Jake lit the smoke for Harry with the tip of his wand. The smoke burned the back of his throat and tasted a little minty. He really liked it. Combined with the drinking his head was pleasantly floating. “I smoke menthols hope that’s ok” Harry nodded taking another long drag. Fire was burning down his mouth coating his tongue in a film of smoke. 

/you went to Hogwarts? And ive never smoked before I think I like it though./

“My my tonights just full of firsts for you ain’t it? Im glad to be of service.” Harry rolled his eyes. “Ya im a 7th year come fall no big deal. Guess where finally in the same grade level this year. Though I doubt that means much unless we form some unbreakable bound right now in this very moment. Im in slytherin your most hated house” Harry snorted into his drink. He was wondering if Jake saving him from nearly being some witches slave counted as a unbreakable bound. After deliberating for a few silent moments. He found he really didn’t care. This was someone who knew absolutely nothing about what was normal for Harry. He wouldn’t pester him to talk about what happened simply because he had no knowledge of those 31 days even happening in the first place. 

/consider a unbreakable bound formed Jake. Lets get shit faced/

Jake laughed Jumping up excitedly chugging the rest of his drink. Harry followed suit. “Hell ya! Lets hit the dance floor!” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Potter! Potter! Potter wake the fuck up!” Harry groaned unsticking his face from his pillow. His head was fucken pounding and he felt like he was going to spew at any moment. In fact Harry leaned over the side of the bed narrowly missing Snapes shoes as he heaved up the contents of his stomach. He was sure Snape was sneering at him as he stepped back. “finally the sleeping train wreak awakens. What the bloody hell did you do last night and why was one of MY slytherins on YOUR couch?” Harry groaned rubbing his head ignoring Snape for the time being grabbing his glasses so he could see. His head throbbed the room was far to bright for his hangover. 

/ugh what the hell time is it? My head is fucken killing me/ 

“You best learn to watch your language before classes start again potter. I wont hesitate to take house points away. Of course your bloody head hurts. You and mister Evergreen reeked of booze and cigarettes when I showed up this morning at 7. It is presently 8 am now” Harry groaned again. He vaguely remembered stumbling home sometime around 5 in the morning. Snape shook his head angrily at Harry tossing a potion at him. He gulped it down with out a second thought feeling instantly better. Well as better as he could considering the inky blackness twisting around inside him was back.

/sorry sir. Went out last night guess I had a bit to much to drink./ 

Snape snorted again turning on his heal his robes billowing around him in annoyance “that’s a understatement Potter. Come. You need to eat before I administer your potions” Harry scrambled to throw on a sweater and some jeans he didn’t want to put Snape in anymore of a bad mood. It was bad enough he he was already grumpy with 2 hours to go. Harry found Snape sitting in his kitchen a cup of coffee in-front of himself. Harry limped over to the coffee pot pouring himself a cup and sitting down in front of the breakfast Snape had clearly brought over from Hogwarts . He wasn’t hungry in the slightest. But, Snapes glare had him quickly scarfing down the large meal. It sat in his stomach like a bag of bricks. Seemingly satisfied with how much Harry had eaten he slid 2 potions over to Harry watching as he downed them quickly. “Come on ill get your knee in the parlor. I do fancy a game of chess today I hope that’s acceptable for you.” He nodded limping after the man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments and kudos are appreciated:)


	4. The party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry thows a huge party at his place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was surprisingly hard to write for some reason. I hope yall enjoy the next chapter will come out once im done writing it in a day or two. :)

The week after Harry had first went to the club passed by like a blur. Everyday Harry would go to the club to chill with Jake and his friends. They would drink, smoke (tobacco and weed), other drugs, and just dance the night away. Always getting home around 3 so that he could get enough sleep before Snape would show up in the mornings. It felt oddly therapeutic to Harry. Pretending his problems didn’t exist was the best idea he ever had. Maybe all the dancing wasn’t exactly what Madam Pomfrey meant by exercising his leg daily but it seemed to be working. Why mess with a good thing? No one ever asked about his limp or lack of voice just assuming the life altering injuries where from the war. He did die after all. that had to have some side affects. The inky blackness inside Harry couldn’t make itself known if he was utterly plastered. He knew in a few months he’d have to go back to pretending to be ‘normal’. That the inkiness would have its chance for free rain once again. Maybe he could drink, snort, and inhale enough so the inky mass inside withered and died before school started again. so he was gonna party as much as he possibly could before then. With that thought in mind Harry excitedly made plans with Jake for a huge party at his place. Everyone was invited including Hermione and who ever she deemed fit to bring. It would be fine having her here. He was a adult after all and adults threw parties. On the day of the party Harry sat with Snape impatiently tapping his fingers to the best of his abilities while he pretended to read. Snape simply raised his eyebrow when Harry all but pushed him into the floo and threw the powder down for him to get him out quicker. He had a list of things to get done before his grand party. meeting up with Jake and his crew was on the top of the list. 

Jake waved Harry over from a booth in the muggle diner they had agreed to meet at a few days ago. Next to him was a extremely thin Hufflepuff named Cinderella. Her parents where muggles with a annoying thing for fairytales she instead they call her Cindy. She had short blonde hair and ocean blue eyes that sparked in the sunlight. Her bones sticking out in all the wrong yet right places to Harry. a part of him envied her and her sharp angles. on his other side was the beautiful Slytherin Jasmine. Her long black hair fell in silky waves down to her waist her skin reminding Harry of brown sugar. “Harry! Finally! We have been DYING for you to get here mate!” Jake seemed like he was always excited for something amazing. sometimes it grated on his nerves. But, seeing as today was a memorable occasion. Harry was all for it. He slid into the booth near Cindy smirking. 

/sorry guys daily potions and all that rot./ 

Cindy snorted taking a sip of her tea “really Harry I do not know how you put up with that git every morning.” Jake made a sound of protest across the table pausing from shoving pancakes into his mouth. “Yo! That’s our head of house your talking about miss Cinderella”   
Cindy took another sip of her tea appearing to be calm. The only sign she was annoyed by the mention of her full name was the twitching of her lip and the tone of her voice which came out in a angry hiss. “will you please settle the bloody fuck down Jake. Your food particles are practically assaulting me right now and I don’t appreciate it” before the arguing could continue Harry slammed his hand on the table drawing the groups attention to him.

/uh party you guys?/

“Oh Harry you know these two. So uncivilized. Though I suspect its sexual tension that gets them riled up” Jasmine leaned over to stage whisper the last part both parties grinning. Cindy gave a look of Disgust to Jake and his pancakes who in turn faked gagging noises “unless shes hiding a wand under her skirt shes not equipped enough for the Jakester” the group devolved into giggles before they settled down to finish the last minute party plans. 

A few hours later they stood in Harrys living room setting up lights, a small portable DJ booth, and a make shift bar. Jake had convinced his dad to lend out one of the bartenders from the club. Once satisfied Harry dragged the group to easy to miss pantry door pushing them threw. He had cast a enlargement charm and transfigured some seating arrangements that morning. To make a very cozy room

/ok so I got Hermione coming to this thing. Sooo I want all drugs to be designated to this room jasmine let the party guests know./ 

Jasmine nodded pulling a large box from her purse to toss it onto the table. “You invited Hermione? Teachers pet Granger to your absolutely Guaranteed to get crazy party?” Jake was smirking at Harry who just shrugged 

/shes my best friend Mate. Shes fine with the drinking. And that was just first year. Shes broken A LOT of rules herself over the years with me./ 

It was Cindy's turn to giggle she sat on the couch popping a white pill into her mouth. “Ya I cant imagine breaking into gringots and escaping on a literal Guard dragon is high up on the list of things that aren’t breaking the rules” she laughed handing a pill out to Harry who accepted it greatfully sinking into the couch next to her “lay off him Jake. Just a week ago you didn’t think Harry could hang either.” Jake snorted holding his hand out to her expectingly “says the resident puff”  
“Case and point my friend. You love me”   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A few hours later the party was in full swing. A bunch of people Harry knew from clubs danced and chatted around the house looking as blissed out as Harry felt. Harry had invited a few of his friends from his ‘normal’ life to the party. like Semuas who he saw chatting with a taller looking bloke in the corner both of their drinks spinning about in their cups. Luna who dance slowly and beautifully in the middle of the room her eyes closed. Harry wasn’t sure if she had found the drug room or if that was just the way she was. Pansy who had dragged a originally reluctant Malfoy with her. She had abandoned him a little while in raving at Harry about the great party favors. Leave it to the slytherin to find and enjoy the copious amounts of drugs. Jake had assured him that it was no issue if she knew sense Jake was one of her dealers. Malfoy who had a sour look on his face had consumed a few drinks before spying Luna in the middle of the make shift dance floor and was currently making his way slowly in her direction. Harry had been getting a refill on his drink when the floo flared to life and Hermione stepped through Remus in tow. If it wasn’t for his limp he would have skipped up to the surprised duo 

/Mione! You came! Oh oh hey Remus! I didn’t expect you to come. Its fine its fine I told Hermione to invite who ever she wanted of course! I just didn’t think this would have been much fun for one of my parental figures/

Harry really needed to shut up. Remus looked a tad embarrassed for a second before Harry hugged Hermione for exactly the .2 seconds that was required. “Wow Harry this is a lot wilder then I thought it would be” Harry laughed silently forcing a sheepish look on his face

/ya well its my fault. Two of the party planners where Slytherins should have known this would get out of hand. Do you guys want me to get Jake to ask them to chill a bit?/

Hermione laughed holding up her hand “no no Harry i..i think a little wild is good” she blushed a bit while Remus cleared his throat. “Your not over doing it though right pup?” Harry smiled widely hugging Remus for the expected .2 seconds before replying his drink spilling a bit on himself before he responded. 

/no no of course not. Just wanted to let go alittle. After everything ya know? Get all that pent up teenage rebellion out of the way before my last term of school./ 

Remus seemed to accept this answer because he clapped Harry on the back sending very unwelcome shivers down his spine. Thank merlin for the cocktail of booze and drugs inside Harry for keeping the inky black mass in check “I can understand that come on Hermione I see the drink station over there we are sorely under drunk for this party and I refuse to be out drank my first party in years.” Harry laughed again taking a sip from his drink before they left Hermione turned to Harry “oh I invited George as well he should be along shortly I thought a party would be good for him. I hope that was ok.” He nodded 

/of course im glad you did. George is like a brother to me! The more the Marier! Go have fun you two!/ 

Harry pushed them to the drink table signaling the bartender to treat them as well has him and Jake before downing the rest of his drink to make his way to the drug room. Jake, Cindy, Pansy, And Jasmine sat in the room passing around a blunt while smoking some cigarettes. Harry plopped down next to Cindy pulling out his pack of smokes using the snake lighter Jake had given him a few days ago. His eyes lit up every time he saw Harry using his gift. Pansy smirked at Harry from the other couch when he took a long puff from the blunt “my my Harry I never thought you where such a bad boy I must say I'm pleasantly surprised. If I had known in school maybe we could have been friends” he rolled his eyes passing the blunt to blunt to Cindy

/ ya and what you wouldn’t have tried to offer me up to Voldie pants? Ya I don’t see how that could have worked before/ 

She snorted “oh come off it Harry did you really think id want to fight my own father? Or the woman who quite literally brought me into this world? Id fight my aunt no prob but not my parents. Did you want those first years to chose between their family or a school who treated them like budding dark lords? “ she waved her hand dismissively clearly not truly bothered by Harrys words “ I did what I had to do to protect my classmates. It really wasn’t anything personal. I just knew after one Slytherin tried to take his deal good ol prejudice mcgonagall would want to send us somewhere else rather then join the fight.” Harry nodded at the new way of looking at the situation. he had hoped by inviting her to the party he would learn just why she had done what she had done. 

/ that makes a lot of sense. At the time I may not have understood your side of things. But now I can. The houses of Hogwarts are like a family. You did what you had to do to protect your family. I can respect that Pansy./ 

She nodded a small smile gracing her lips. Jake clapped happily next to them finishing off the blunt. He pulled out some more of the tabs Cindy had earlier passing them to everyone in the room “yay! New friendships! Im so proud of my little lion and snake!” Both Pansy and Harry groaned   
“Shut it Evergreen”

/shut up Jake/

Jake laughed after everyone took their pills standing up abruptly “ima open up the wards to other party goers let’s celebrate this new found friendship with a dance!”

The rest of the night passed in a colorful blur for Harry. He found himself dancing wildly with people he barely even knew. Making his way around the room chatting with old and new friends, and snorting line after line of some kinda white powder with Jake and Pansy in the back room. Harry was high off his ass. Higher then he ever flown on his broom and he was absolutely loving it. At some point someone yelled icing fight causing the party to devolve into chaos as party goers flung magically materialized sweets at each other. Harry suspected a plastered George to be the culprit and flung Half a cake at his head as the both of them laughed. Eventually people started passing out where they stood no one sober enough to Apparate home. A few people took the knight-bus home. Harry vaguely remembered a very red faced Hermione asking if she could use one of the spare bedrooms for the night. He nodded before passing out himself on the kitchen counter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Harry bloody fucken Potter. Severus had stepped threw Potters floo expecting to have to suffer threw another impatient morning with the brat only to discover that his morning was gonna be a lot worse then he had imagined when he tripped over a passed out body laying on the floor. The room was packed full of passed out men and women in increasingly weird places in worrying amounts of clothing. How someone had managed to fall asleep on the walls and ceiling was beyond Severus but he was sure it had something to do with obscene amount of icing and cake smeared over almost ever surface in the room. Severus stood up angrily dusting off his robes. When he found Potter he was gonna wring his neck. Then give him a stern talking to. While he was pissed, he couldn’t help the bubbling feeling of worry in his chest. After the first day Severus had woken Harry up from a drunken stupor the young man had clearly started hiding his increasing partying. It seemed everyday he had come over to administer potions Harry had already downed a hangover cure. But the tale tale sign of glitter plastered to his skin and the faint smell of firewiskey perfumed the air around him. Originally Severus wasn’t going to say anything but he was getting increasingly worried that Harry was using partying as a way to deal with what happened over those 31 days. Just the guilt of not saving Harry sooner had Severus drinking way more then was normally acceptable. However it was certainly not at the same level Potter currently was. Severus made his way to Potters room quickly closing the door when he found Mister Evergreen naked draped over another man on Potters bed. That most certainly was not something he had wanted to see. Eventually after many more embarrassing situations found. Severus stopped opening bedroom doors and found Harry alone in the kitchen. mouth open passed out on his counter. He called his name angrily till Potter finally started stirring from his slumber “I swear to merlin Potter if you do not wake up this instant I will hex you and everyone in this godforsaken place to oblivion” Severus growled causing Harry to let out a strangled yelp and tumble off the counter. Severus smirked at Potter rubbing his no doubt throbbing head “nice of you to finally wake up Potter” Potter groaned holding up his hand making Severus roll his eyes. Potter slowly rummaged around no doubt looking for his note book finally finding it on the counter under a couple of empty butter beer bottles he threw it down onto the table and continued to ignore Severus’s presence while he rummaged around in a kitchen drawer finding and chugging a hang over cure. Finally he flopped into a chair rubbing his head

/do you ever bloody sleep in Snape?/ 

Severus growled sitting in the chair across from Harry summoning a plate of breakfast for the boy and sliding the two potions across the table “no Potter. Some of us have a sense of responsibility. I know you’re a dunderhead but just what possessed you to act so Recklessly? What would your little friends say if they saw your ever increasing spiral into debauchery?” Harry winced taking small bites out of the toast on his plate. 

/to be fair sir most of my friends where here last night. They didn’t seem to have a problem with my ‘behavior’/ 

As if on Que Granger stumbled into the kitchen her hair wilder then Severus remembered. she started the coffee pot when Lupin trailed into the kitchen looking a little worse for wear himself. Severus noted that while Harry and Lupin where covered almost Head to toe in the icing Hermione did not have a drop on her. “Really Lupin? Participating in Potter spiral downward are we?” Lupin raised a eye brow accepting a cup from Hermione who sat next to Harry snagging his extra piece of toast. “I don’t see anything wrong with Harry throwing a party Severus. He’s a grown man now.” Severus sneered “I suggest you keep a closer eye on your Surrogate child Lupin.” Why was it always up to him to keep Potter out of trouble? Just when he should have finally been free of the brat. Harry was practically screaming ‘someone save me!’ With his behavior and no one but Severus seemed to notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments and kudos are appreciated! :)


	5. You can share my toilet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this was a hard chapter to write. Mainly because of my personal history with eating disorders. I wrote Cindy from personal experience and while it hasn’t gotten too crazy indept yet i would like to take now to list a few hotlines for anyone who thinks they could be suffering from a eating disorder.
> 
> https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline
> 
> Please please get yourself help you dont have to do it alone. Recovery is a uphill battle as i will show in this fic but it is so very worth it.

After the Party time passed by in a blur for Harry. Every week he would throw a similar party, much to Snapes vocal disapproval.   
Originally Harry had thought Snape just didn’t like all the sleeping bodies on the floor during the minimum 2 hours he had to spend in Harrys house. But, after Harry had tried and failed to compromise with the man he had realized that was not the case

-flash back-  
“Potter why are they’re bodies littering your floor like mounds of garbage once again?”   
Harry sighed picking at his breakfast 

/isn’t it obvious sir? I threw a party last night/

It was Snapes turn to sigh taking a long sip of his coffee “obviously. Why?”

/because its fun? Im a adult?/ 

Noticing Snapes glare Harry rubbed his temples. It wasn’t exactly fair of Harry to be rude to Snape. This man had not only saved him from a horrid death but also sat with his least favorite person for 2 hours a day to make sure he was getting better. It was thanks to Snapes potions that Harry could finally pour a cup of coffee with out Hermione worriedly staring at him. He could walk up the stairs to his bedroom at night without having to stop every few steps to wait for his leg to stop spasming in pain. The 2 hours a day Snape sat with him was giving him his freedom back, At least physically. 

/look im sorry..um..we can… I don’t know… I can meet you at Hogwarts? Or we can push back to meeting time so I can get everyone out of here/ 

Snape frowned running his hands threw his long hair. “Those are not solutions Potter. As much as I detest seeing my former students passed out from being pissed. They are just that, my former students. They can make their mistakes with little consequence to myself. You however are currently in recovery under my supervision” he paused glaring at Harry across the table who swallowed thickly willing the ink inside to stay within its cage. “ The drinking, the partying, and what other god awful stuff you’re partaking in is departmental to your recovery. We will continue our daily meetings at the same time every day. I will continue to make my extreme disapproval known. That is the only way I can think of to dissuade you from destroying yourself. Now eat up Potter the time only begins after you’ve taken your potions.” 

-end flash back-

At the time Harry had felt anger at Snapes words. He felt like Snape was still treating him like a naïve child. But, after he had sat down back against a hallway wall staring down a bottle neck mulling over the conversation for the 100th time that week Harry had realized something. Snape cared. He was worried about how Harry was coping with what happened to him. He felt a mix of emotions about that. On one hand he was still angry. Harry was no longer a child how he chose to cage the ink inside him was nobodies business but his. He was angry that Snape probably pitied him for what happened. The whole point of Harry being ‘normal’ in-front of his friends was to avoid that damn pity. After a childhood full of those looks Harry was done with it.   
Harry was also surprised to feel a little grateful and pleased that the man was still looking after him after all this time. It made him feel like if the twisting ink inside him was able to escape one day maybe Snape could destroy it. It was hard to think of Snape as anything but his saving angel now.   
Harrys floo burst to life and Cindy stepped threw. They had made plans to go shopping for school supplies together the day before classes where suppose to start. They had both agreed it was the best way to avoid the mass of students. Harry smiled widely standing up from his spot on the floor. 

/hey cind’ you’re here/ 

She laughed shaking her head at Harry “drinking all ready Harry?” He nodded grinning sheepishly at the blond Hufflepuff 

/only a couple of sips. You ready to do this thing?/ 

Cindy laughed walking back over to the floo. She didn’t bother helping Harry up. They both had a unspoken agreement that they both hated being touched. It was something that Harry was forever grateful for. Everyone from his ‘normal’ life had a obtuse need for affection. If you didn’t want to be touched or have a hand pat you on the back it was a sure indicator that something was wrong. Cindy was like a mythical being compared to them. Maybe a unicorn? Standing ethereally at the edge of a dark forrest. Pale moonlight casting a otherworldly glow around her body. No one was fit, no safe, to touch her. She could not allow herself to be tainted by the hands of mere mortals. 

They shopped slowly taking the time to dig into each shop they went to. Harry steered her away from the jokes shop at one point unwilling to come face to face with George. Seeing the broken man was fine at a party while he was plastered. But in broad day light? In the very place dedicated to his lost other half? No he couldn’t handle that. Harry was a complete and utter tosser. Here was his good friend, practically brother, dealing with a monumental lost. No doubt needing the comfort Harry should have been able to supply and all Harry could think about was the way the stark sunlight would contrast with the groves of pure dark grief on Georges face. It was like they where mocking him. ‘It should have been you. You should have stayed dead. Why didn’t you just die at the end of those 31 days? How can you face the world when you couldn’t prevent its suffering? You deserve to suffer in our steads. You didn’t save them.’ Harry could feel the ink thrashing against its cage begging to taint all of Diagon ally with its sticky blackness. 

“Haaaaaaary” Cindy was waving her hand in his face thrusting him back into reality. Rubbing his head sheepishly Harry pulled out a smoke lighting it while he responded.

/sorry. Was lost in thought/

Cindy shook her head pieces of blond hair bouncing of her cheekbones. “Its all right…its noon” she paused her lip twitching as though she was trying to hide a smile. “But you don’t need lunch do you Harry?” The way she said it kinda confused Harry. He pulled a drag off his cigarette watching as she pulled out her own. Clearly waiting for him to say something. Probably to propel the conversation in some manner.

/ uh why do you say it like that/ 

She leaned forward almost whispering to Harry her words coming out in a long puff of smoke. “You’re like me. I can tell. You want control, you want to be beautiful” the last word was said like a prayer. “Ive waited a long time to meet someone like you Harry. Someone who could join me in this battle. I can teach you if you'd like?” Did she mean what he thinks she meant? Harry had admired her jutting bones and seemingly perfect self control. In the back of his mind he had wondered if he could ever be as perfect as her. To have the strength that seemed to pour out of her pores. 

/you mean?/

He couldn’t say it. “Yes Harry we could be buddies. Help each other through the struggles. Its so hard on your own. I need more motivation.” Harry nodded. The inky blackness almost seemed excited at the prospect. He had no idea why, with this he would learn how to keep it in its cage far more effectively then by drinking. Cindy seemed pleased with his silent answer. They finished shopping a giddy air about them then traveled back to Harrys home.

Cindy set down two mugs of hot tea in-front of them taking the seat across from Harry. “So we’ll have to come up with a diet plan for you. For a few weeks well do some trails. See what you can handle then make slow adjustments from there. How much do you weigh right now?” 

/137 pounds/ 

Cindy made a face that made Harry feel deeply ashamed. “Well that’s not to bad..I'm at 95 my goal is 80 ultimately. Do you have a goal in mind?” Harry nodded amazed by how little she weighed.

/ I want to look like you/

“So well start with a goal of a 100” she smiled sipping her tea. “ I think a calorie restriction of 600 a day is a good start. Its rather easy. You eat only one meal a day. Low cal of course, ill leave you to pick what meal that is. Then you count the calories of ‘snacks’” she used heavy air quotes around the word snacks her face twisting up again “just small things to get you through the day sense your not used to this like I am. We don’t want you binging.” 

/binging?/

Harry took a sip of his tea leaning back into his chair while Cindy gulped down the rest of hers. “Ya its totally disgusting. It’s a break in your control. You just snap and start eating everything in sight like a total pig. But” she paused waving her hand threw the air while he watched in silence. “Its ok if you happen to. We have a secret weapon.” She held up two of her fingers. “If you binge you can just throw up what you ate. Think of it like a reset button. I mean its not perfect. You have to try really hard to get everything out but it helps with the over all damage. I can teach you some really good techniques I've picked up over the years. We can share a toilet” Harry couldn’t help laughing silently at the last part. Cindy raised a eyebrow not sure how to take his out burst. He held up her hand to show her it was not a mocking laugh. 

/sorry sorry. Just its not the first time someones offered to share a toilet with me. You just reminded me of moaning Myrtle/

Cindy joined in with his laughing then shaking her head “don’t ever compare me to her again Harry” he nodded a faint smile on his lips. 

/so how do I know how many calories are in things?/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A few days had passed sense his conversation with Cindy. It was like a whole new world had opened up for Harry. Cindy had taught him a simple spell to use on his food and drinks. He was amazed by how many calories where in things. After debating for a few hours he settled on making breakfast his meal of the day. He had been eating so little lately with out encouragement from Cindy that breakfast was honestly the only meal he fully ate. Snape had at one point mentioned something vague about a empty stomach and bad reaction.

Harry opted out of riding the train back to Hogwarts and instead apperate to hogsmead to enjoy a drink with Jake before the welcoming feast. Before they reached the main gate Jake motioned Harry aside his eyes glittering mischievously as he ducked into the nondescript ally way. “ you look like a bag of nerves Harry. Should have known one drink wouldn’t have been enough.” Jake paused pulling out a tin from his pocket. “Luckily for you mister Potter. Ol jakie boy has got you covered with the dankest shit in all the known land.” Harry grinned widely when Jake pulled out a rather fat joint and lit it. 

/what would I ever do with out you?/

Jake snorted a puff of strong smelling smoke passing the joint to Harry. “Probably be some witches loooooove slave” Harry shuddered a bit the inkyness twisting inside at the thought of being subjugated to that treatment again. He took a deep hit enjoying the sticky burn of the smoke in his lungs. Tears prickling at his eyes while he tried not to cough. Jake was right this was good shit.

/shit like that is probably why the headmistress insists I use the private quarters during the school year. They want me protected/ 

Had Harry been able to talk he would have sneered the last word. Of course McGonagle didn’t want Harry in general population after what happened over the summer. Everyone was so afraid of him being kidnaped again, or worse. The headmistress had sent a pretty passionate letter a few days ago detailing his lodging arrangements and it had been filled with worry and pity.  
“Ya well it’s probably for the best mate. Cant have your knight in shining armor there to rescue you all the time” Jake was shooting him a wide smirk taking a deep puff. Harry didn’t have the heart to tell him that if anyone was his ‘Knight’ it would be more likely Snape then the green hair tipped Slytherin in front of him. 

/hey we can smoke in my rooms at least/ 

Harry and Jake smirked at each other killing the joint before walking to the castle. Harry was practically floating. He was high as a kite. The night hues blending together softly, Jakes little jokes sending the two of them into a fit of giggles. That was how they entered the great hall laughing at a silly joke. It hadn’t been that obvious tons of students where filing in with them laughing and chatting about their holiday. Yet Harry still felt Snapes eyes boring into him from the head table as if he knew Harry was high off his ass. 

“Ill chat to you later, yeah?” Harry nodded to Jake giving him a warm smile.

/definitely. Bring the gang to my room after dinner we can properly celebrate the new school year. Its on the 4th floor right next to the portrait of merlin./ 

Jake nodded grinning ear to ear as he bound off to the Slytherin table bending down to whisper in Jasmines ear before taking his seat. Harry headed to his table taking a seat next to Ron and Hermione. Now to get through dinner with the ink firmly locked in its cage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments and kudos are appreciated.


	6. Pity is the enemy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry its taken so long for me to get a chapter out. I had a family almost tragity of sorts and it made writing difficult for a while. But i forced myself to write so y’all wouldn’t have to wait any longer :) hope yall enjoy!

The second day back at Hogwarts Harry was standing in-front of his bathroom sink. Trembling hands gripping the white porcelain in frustration grunts and hoarse sounds being forced from his throat. He was getting tired of not being able to talk. The pale morning light filtered threw the window doing nothing to calm the inky blackness thrashing against his insides. He would do this. He would speak again. He would not give those bastards the satisfaction of having had crippled him so fully for life. 

“Hhhhuuuuh”  
“Uuuuuuugaaah”  
“Hiii haa haaarrriiiii” 

He couldn’t even say his own fucken name! Harry looked into his dark ringed eyes in the mirror unable to keep his thoughts from being submerged by the ink. Stupid fucken idiot cant even say his own name. Worthless shit Letting the death eaters win! Harry growled loudly swinging a punch at his reflected face, glass shattering down around him. 

“Potter!” Harry whipped around suddenly broken from his internal thoughts to see a very surprised Snape standing outside his bathroom door already dressed for the days classes. Fuck.  
“Just what do you think your doing Potter?” Harry sighed pushing past Snape to go to the kitchen where his note book sat, ignoring the fresh blood that poured from the glass filled cuts in his hand. Snape followed close behind a unreadable look on his face. Harry sat down at the table with a cup of black coffee (5 cal) in-front of him. 

“ just what was that little show I walked in on Potter?” Harry sighed waving his trembling bloody hand at the notebook

/nothing/

Snape growled slamming his fists on the table in-front of Harry making him jump.”don’t lie to me boy”. His angelic features twisted in anger. Harry winced thinking about how he put that look there. He really did taint everything. 

/I just..uh god I just got frustrated…I miss talking and I cant seem to get something so simple right/ 

Snape deflating a little sunk into the chair across from Harry waving his hand to summon breakfast. “You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Healing is going to take time Potter.”   
It was Harrys turn to slam his hand on the table blood smearing on warm wood like a physical representation of the ink spewing forth from his body. 

/YOU DON’T THINK I KNOW THAT!? Im supposed to be the strong one! I can barely walk let alone tell my friends good morning! Im a broken weapon! I did my job now I'm stuck in this worthless broken body watching my friends pick up the pieces of their lives with out being able to help them!/ 

Harry was breathing hard writing those words felt like he had been physically yelling them at the potions master. Chancing a glance at the note book Harry shuddered, he said to much. He glanced back up at Snape hoping to gage his reaction to the out burst and was only met with a blank mask. Upon further examination he noticed Snapes eyes where swimming with a mixture of emotions the brightest being the one that caused Harry to feel deathly ill. Pity. 

/don’t!/ 

Snape raised a eyebrow “don’t what?” Harry glared at the man. He couldn’t do this he didn’t want anyone to pity him, least of all the angle who had saved him. Harry felt his control rapidly unraveling.

/don’t look at me like that! Im sick of the pity! Im sick of everyone who sees me getting that stupid look in their eyes! I don’t deserve it! Im a worthless human being! Give your fucken pity to someone who deserves it!/

With out looking back Harry ran from the room but not before throwing that damn plate of breakfast against the wall. He needed to get himself back under control before the school day started. He couldn’t risk the ink touching anyone else.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Severus had woken up in a relatively weird mood. While he wasn’t horribly upset or angry like he had been on some of his worse days in the past. he most certainly wasn’t happy or in a good mood. Instead he was confused, conflicted, and most of all worried. The reason for that was of course Harry bloody Potter. 

The night of the feast Severus had, much to all the other professors surprise, volunteered for patrol duty. His path also just so happened to take him by Potters quarters. It was pure coincidence. Severus most certainly was not worried about Potters rapidly decreasing wellbeing. He simply wanted to catch the boy miss behaving for old times sake. That was what Severus had told himself anyways.

He had been forced to face his feelings of concern for the boy when he came to stand next to Merlins portrait. The first thing he had noticed was faint laughter then a Chant of “go Harry!”. Clearly the golden boy was throwing one of his recently popular get togethers.that was where Severus’s current worry had started to sink its deep claws into him. 

Potters recent behavior had increasingly worsened at a rapid pace that had Severus missing out on quite a lot of sleep. He was most certainly doing drugs ,wizard and muggle, drinking far more then could be acceptable for someone of his age, and his recent friend group where all things of concern for the potions master.

At one point Severus considered adding sexual activities to the ever growing list of Potters poor cooping methods. He was very much aware of Evergreens reputation, having been one of the meany professors to grant him with detention for inappropriate actions between both female and male students, the few times Severus had seen Potter and Evergreen interact Severus had noticed the fiery look the older boy received from the young Slytherin. It was like watching a hyena stalk a baby gazette. However after observing Potters interactions with others, including himself, Severus concluded that him massaging Potters knee every morning was the limit on the amount intimacy he could handle with another human-being.

That of course was where the concern had come from. If Evergreen pushed Potter for something more it was very likely to send him into a even worse downward spiral. 

Normally the sound of Potter breaking rules would have been enough to put a gleeful skip to Severus’s graceful gate. However this time he found himself with a stomach that felt like he ate a pile of boulders for dinner. Hence the confusion.   
It just didn’t feel right to punish him for negatively coping after everything he’d been threw. 

Severus shook himself from his thoughts as he finished dressing for the day. He pocketed his potions and headed up to Potters rooms. Severus passed a few of the early bird students heading to breakfast, mostly Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs with the odd Slytherin and Gryffindor, and gave his customary sneer. He didn’t bother to knock before entering Potters rooms.

The sight that met him in the bathroom was one he loathed to admit to being a adorable one. Potter in loose fitting checkered pajama bottoms and a over sized T-shirt standing in-front of his bathroom mirror. His messy hair still tussled from sleep, Sticking up every which way. The way his eyebrows scrunched up in intense concentration. the little pout of his pink lips. He was trying to say his name. Failing miserably.

A year ago witnessing this same sight would have caused Severus to sneer and mock Potter. Currently it was filling his stomach with a worrying feeling of warm butterflies. Hope. Hope that Potter still retained a semblance of the person he was before his tragedy. Of course Harry just had to make things hard on Severus. His outburst in-front of the mirror had left Severus severely shaken. After the fit he just couldn’t tear his eyes away from Potters bloody fist. The slow trickle of fresh blood, the way the glass shards stuck out of His skin distorting the way his fingers looked. Images of Potter chained down naked under a death eater broken fingers trying to grip the stone floor beneath him flashed in Severus’s mind causing a sharp surge of protective urges to flood his body. For all the crap he used to give Potter about his insufferable hero complex Severus was currently having to come to grips with the fact that his own hero complex was far greater then Potters. It was quite a shame it only focused on Harry. Had it not Severus was sure he could have done a lot of great things for a number of people. 

After Potter stormed from the room Severus stared at the remains of breakfast smeared on the wall and thought about his next course of action. Potter hadn't taken his potions. Severus could either search out the volatile young man and force the potions down his throat or leave Potter to sort out his thoughts before classes leaving the less side effect ridden potions for him to take later and see if Potter was ready for two day intervals with the nerve damage potion. 

Mind eventually made up Severus placed two of the potions on the table and swept out of the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry was fucked up. He HAD fucked up. It had taken him 30 minutes of pacing in-front of the lake for Harry to notice that he was still in his sleep wear. He hadn’t even noticed when he had stormed from his room. once Harry had noticed the pity in Severus’s eyes it was like Harrys carefully constructed cage dissolved away causing the ink to spill out of Harry in great tidal waves. Crashing down across the room with such a great force all Harry could think about was getting away from Severus to spare him the cruel fate of being tainted. 

Eventually he calmed down shooting a group of blushing Hufflepuffs a embarrassed smile as he darted past them back to his room. He had fully expected to see Severus still sitting in his kitchen silently fuming at Harrys behavior. Instead he was greeted by 2 potions and a hastily scribbled note in his own note book instructing him to take take the day easy sense he might not yet be ready to go a day with out his nerve potion. Harry downed what potions where there then lit a cigarette inhaling deeply before casting a healing charm on his hand. While he missed the painful feeling of the cuts Harry would rather pretend the whole thing had never happened.

5 minutes later Harry stubbed out his cigarette threw on his robes and bounded out his bedroom door ready to face the day ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments and kudos are appreciated


	7. In which they became friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco and Harry finally interact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long wait you guys i just got a job. Between that and my son i havent had a lot of time to write. Hopefully the next update will be alot faster then this one was. Hope y’all enjoy :)

The school day had went pretty well for Harry. After his out burst with Snape he hadn’t had high hopes but it was still better then he thought it would be. Lunch was pleasant he had a serving of the Ham (140 cal) a cup of the sliced carrots (83 cal) and a large glass of water. The rest of the food he vanished away while he pretended to take bites no one seemed to be the wiser. The rest of his classes for the day went by smoothly Harry thanking his luck that he didn’t have potions till tomorrow hoping that by then Snape would have forgotten about the outburst earlier that morning. 

Harry was on his way to dinner when disaster struck him. He chanced a look out one of the windows as he passed, the sight causing his body to seize up in fear. The castle windows where shaking with the first rain sense Harry had been kidnaped 2 months ago. Everything inside Harry broke at once. He could feel the inky black hands all over his body. The pungent taste of freshly wet dirt filled his mouth. The same feeling of fear settled back into his bones and began to scream. He had to get out of here! He had to get those hands off! Harry flung himself into the nearest bathroom in a desperate attempt to hide away his shame. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Draco Malfoy was having a day. Originally Draco had no intention of returning to Hogwarts for his final year. But of course because of bloody fucking Harry Potter a unexpected complication had accord. Luna Lovegood. 

For years Draco had ignored everyone not in Slytherin (Harry and his friends being the exception) at his fathers rather forceful urging. Nothing was more important to his father then having the perfect pureblood son. He had spent all of Dracos child hood shoving his teachings down his sons throat sometimes by force if necessary. Draco still felt nauseated to this day when people where yelling. It reminded him of the countless beating he would receive for stepping so much a toe out of the carefully constructed mould his father had crafted for him. He hadn’t been allowed to be himself.

With his father nestled away in Askaban Draco was finally free. The heavy chains wrapped around his soul had gone slack. They where still there but finally he could breath, and breath he did. A few months ago he wouldn’t have been caught dead at a Harry Potter party but when Pansy had told him excitedly about the party he simply must go to draco took a deep breath. When he didn’t feel the chains digging deeply into his flesh he agreed. It was something his father most certainly would not have agreed with. It was something that would have left Draco black and blue all summer long. 

He still wasn’t sure if it had been a good or bad decision to go. Sure he wanted desperately to see how Harry was holding up. He had been at Hogwarts when he was kidnaped and returned barely clinging on to life. But, attending that party had led to some very troubling developments. 

While he wondered about bored watching bodies grind against one another in drunken abandon he spotted her. In the middle of the dance floor in a sky blue dress swaying to a entirely different rhythm then the music pulsating in the air. Her blindingly white hair floated around her body in soft waves beckoning Draco to her like a sirens call. 

eventually he was pulling her aside and talking to her for the rest of the night, after having lost Pansy to what He was pretty sure was Potters drug room. Draco wondered if he should be concerned with his ever growing attraction to things so unlike what his father would have deemed acceptable because that was exactly what Luna was everything his father would have disapproved of and Draco was pretty sure he never felt this way about anyone. His heart stoped beating and beat erratically at the same time when he saw her. His mouth would go dry, his hands would shake, and his eyes where unable to look away from her every move. He was obsessed. He found himself wanting to know everything about her. He would spend hours between classes and sleep strolling the hallways near the Ravenclaw common room in hopes that he would see a flash of her moon light hair. Her fairy like body dancing around corners forever eluding his desperate gaze. He was a man lost in a unforgiving desert and she was a walking oasis. 

That’s what Draco was doing right now pacing the Ravenclaw hallways in hopes he'd see the object of his every thought on her way to dinner. So far he hadn’t had any luck. Maybe he should just head to dinner? She might already be there and he could watch her elegantly eat her dinner. A loud crash forcefully dragged Draco from his thoughts. He looked around the now empty hallway not seeing anything but dust and rain heavily beating against the hall window. Another loud crash caused Dracos head to snap towards the door to the bathroom. He took a deep breath and pushed it open no where prepared for what he saw as he thought he would be. 

Harry Potter was kneeling around the ruins of a apparent panic attack. His spasming fingers holding his hair as tightly as they could two stall doors laid on the ground and all the mirrors where shattered. Draco's eyes dragged up the trails of blood flowing down Potters arms. If he wasn’t so scared the sight would have made him laugh. The last time the two of them had been in a bathroom together it was Draco bleeding and having a panic attack. For a moment he held his breath half expecting His god father to burst into the room. Harry let out what could only be described as a broken whimper and curled further into himself. Draco knew the feeling all to well

“Harry..” feral green eyes snapped up to meet Dracos. “ its ok Harry I understand… let me help you?” Harry backed himself into a corner pressing himself as far back as he could he was shaking his head like his life depended on it. Maybe in his current state he truly thought it did. Draco had been associated with the very people who had broken Potter. He wouldn’t have trusted himself either. Draco debated for a moment on going to get his godfather to handle the situation but decided looking at Potters barely controlled breathing and decided against it. There was no telling what he could do to himself in the time it took for them to return. Draco sighed he had to go with his least favorite option. He started unbuttoning the top of his robes with one hand and holding his other one up in a surrendering way.

If it was possible Potter pushed himself further into the wall his arms wrapping tightly around his torso like his arms could protect him from his fears. If only it was that easy.   
“Its ok Harry I'm not going to hurt you. I just need to show you something.” Draco tried to keep his voice as calming as possible as he shrugged off his robe and started on his shirt. “Im just removing my shirt I'm not going to come anywhere near you don’t worry Harry” Draco shrugged off his shirt to his elbows showing the frightened man his chest. Harrys eyes widened looking over Draco who shuddered uncomfortably. He knew what his eyes where seeing. 

Dracos chest was marred with long white scars and random burn marks. The sight still made Draco want to puke every morning no matter how long it had been sense he got them. Harrys breathing evened out after a few minutes of staring. “My father…” Draco took a shuddering breath looking away from Harry “fathers friends where never all that nice and he thought it would be a perfect teaching tool when i” Draco paused looking forward Harry was standing in-front of him hand hovering in the air near Dracos chest his eyes flicking from Dracos then back down to his scars. Draco nodded breathing out his next words in a harsh breath “messed up” 

He wasn’t prepared for the feeling of Harrys trembling fingers tracing a scar. Smears of fresh blood marking his porcelain skin. He was scared. Harry was scared. Two raw and broken souls standing amid the ruin of their similar pain. Understanding hung in the air between them like a thick blanket. This wasn’t how it should be. In a perfect world Harry and Draco wouldn’t have this between them. They would still be on separate paths never once intertwined in such a vulnerable way. Draco didn’t think he ever hated Voldemort more then he did in that moment while Harry traced the remnants of his tragic past.

After what felt like eternity Harry was finally calm. His eyes drooped heavily while Draco walked with him back to his room refusing Dracos offered arm. Draco made sure he was in bed and asleep before penning a quick note for Harry and letting himself out. He needed to clear his head anything to forget what had just happened. As though the gods felt his plight Luna was standing in the corridor in front of him. “Hello Draco”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Harry woke up hours after his freak out his whole body hurt. He swung his legs out of bed downing a pain reliever he kept next to the bed and sparked up a cigarette. Everything that had happened flashed threw his mind. Draco was like him he understood. The blackness inside him couldn’t taint the blonde haired boy. He was already tainted. 

Harry took a shuddering breath reaching for his glasses taking notice of the note on his night table. 

/dear harry,

This is stupid meet me after you wake up. I know you know how to find me…stalker/

Harry laughed silently remembering when he used to watch Dracos every movement on the marauders maps a few years ago. He placed his cigarette between his lips gingerly making his way to his chest where he kept the thing locked up. Ashing on the floor Harry contemplated the map in his hands. How was he supposed to activate it without being able to talk? Was this thing disability friendly? Harry snorted he’d have words with lupin if it wasn’t. 

Harry taped his wand to the pages thinking the activation words very hard. To his surprise the map flared open the words ‘super sneaky mode activated’ rolling across the top of the yellow paper. This time he laughed leave it to the marauders to have a feature like that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus was patrolling near the Ravenclaw dormitory when he heard voices. Severus felt a tiny bubble of joy rise up inside himself at the prospect of being able to catch some students out of bed at such a late hour. Anything to get his mind off of Potter and his explosive out burst that morning. 

As he pressed himself into a shadowy corner Severus saw that he wouldn’t be getting his mind off Potter after all. Draco and Harry stood huddled under a open window Potter smoking a cigarette while they where talking to each other in whispers. Potter looked like shit. Severus could see the dried blood on Harrys trembling hands. He had dark circles under his eyes and his hair was more unruly then normal even for Harry. Severus had to fight then the urge to drag Harry to his room heal him and force a drought of dreamless sleep down his throat. Something inside Severus told him he needed to hear what they where talking about. 

“So ya that’s a brief summery I'm not going into details you understand Potter”  
Draco turned his head away from Potter and Potter leaned against the window his arm proper up so he could still smoke. He stared out at the stars with a far away look in his eyes.   
Severus heard Draco groan “really Potter that’s what you care about? Yes of bloody course I'm calling you Potter again!” There was a pause and Draco threw up his hands in annoyance “you where having a fucken panic attack you absolute git! I thought you where gonna drown yourself in the fucken toilet if I didn’t calm you down! So excuse me for using your first name.” Draco crossed his arms over his chest “just you had me worried Potter..” Severus had to agree with what his godson was saying it appeared that Potter hadn’t been fine after this morning. Severus was feeling guilty when he heard his godson speaking “I know you don’t wanna talk about it but you really should. Even I would listen if you wanted.” Severus saw Draco hold his hands up in surrender to what ever Potter had responded “ fine fine I get it your not ready..look just I wanted to give you something” Severus watched Draco pull out a small box from his pocket and enlarged it with his wand. Potter pulled out a thick leather bound sketch book and some pencils.   
“When I get over whelmed I like to draw it kinda channels everything I'm feeling somewhere else for a bit. Just give it a try ok Potter”

Draco didn’t wait for a reply and pushed past Potter continuing his nightly wanderings. Severus backed away from the hall not wanting to interact with Potter just yet. He looked like he was deep in thought. 

On his way back down to the dungeons Severus couldn’t help but wonder if he had just witnessed a new friendship be born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments and kudos are appreciated:)

**Author's Note:**

> Any comments and thoughts are appreciated! :)


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